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Anger: The Master of Disguise

Kelley McElreath

"Anger is just anger. It isn't good. It isn't bad. It just is. What you do with it is what matters. It's like anything else. You can use it to build or to destroy. You just have to make the choice." - Jim Butcher

I have started doing Q & A from people on social media for my Manic Monday episodes. Someone I know, Aiden, asked if it is really possible to love again after losing someone tragically so young. 

Yes, I believe you can. I lost my mom when I was 23. When I was only 25 years old, a girl came into my life who became like a little sister to me. As time went on, I grew very close to her entire family. My children thought of her parents as their very own grandparents. The mom and dad really filled in a huge void I had in my life. 

One of the greatest things you can do is to face the pain head on. I prefer to be alone when doing something like this. I listen to music that makes me teary eyed. I look at a picture of the person so I make absolutely sure I can approach those emotions. The goal is to access them because this is where the magic will happen. Start writing down, " I am so sad because__________________________________." Over and over and over. Do this until you are completely neutral with those feelings of deep sadness.  

Now, you want to move into anger. You have this huge hurt you need to let go of...work through. You've just done half of the work...now you need to release all that has been pent up inside of you. 1st of all...you cannot harm yourself, anyone else or anything for that matter. 

Okay, so you get a bat, tennis racket, whatever you have available. You now want to write, "I am angry because__________________________________." Keep writing that until you cannot possibly think of another thing you are upset about. Now take your writings, put them on the bed and beat the shit out of them. Cuss, say things out loud, do whatever you need to! 

By the end, your arms will be tired from writing and beating the papers. Everyone is different...you might go back and forth between the sadness and anger. You might be so mad that you start with the anger. Whatever you do, just be sure you end with anger.

Anger covers up sadness. So many people think anger is such a bad thing. We can use it for our own good. It is like an anger that defends you, supports you, inspires you to get through this, empowers you because you did it yourself.

My aim in this life is to inspire others to be able to help themselves. Anyone with a mental health issue knows that sometimes, we don't WANT to go "see" someone. Sometimes, we don't want to do ANYTHING. There are many times we fight our fight alone...all by ourselves because we feel bad for bothering people about the same stuff over and over. Hell, WE ourselves get tired of it!

We let these times go over and over until it is built up so bad it is too much to bear. So that is my reason for wanting to help people learn their OWN skills. Remember, I suffer too. Just because you see me every week and I am, "The Survivor Coach," doesn't mean I don't struggle. As a matter of fact, I will just be very honest with you and tell you that it had been many, many months since I had a downward spiral. Then Monday came. I woke up, did NOT want to get out of bed, I went back to sleep and then when I woke up again it was almost 9:00 am and I had COMPLETELY forgot that it was Monday and I had one hour to prepare for my live Manic Monday video! I had nothing ready, I was frazzled, I didn't have my thoughts together like I usually do and to tell you the truth...it's been like that since Monday. Yesterday, the entire day was AWFUL, AWFUL, AWFUL!! Today isn't a whole lot better. So yesterday, I reached out to a friend via email. I didn't want to talk to anyone and then I kept reminding myself of how many times I have gotten through times like these. 

A lot of times, I just keep repeating to myself, "Just wait." Because I know in reality that this too shall pass. I know eventually things will be fine and my current struggles will be over. I will be able to look back and see how yet again, I MADE IT!!

Today, I helped someone. It always helps me feel better when I help someone else. SO, keep on keeping on. Sometimes, when you don't feel like you can make it or you just don't really even want to do anything, take the day off if you can. Don't deal with it. Keep telling yourself tomorrow is a new day...because it is. Get up and immediately get ready even if you don't have anywhere to go. Start using some of my tips I give every week on Manic Monday! Then, shoot me a message and let me know how it worked for you!

Remember, I am pullin' for you! I believe in you and I KNOW...YOU GOT THIS!!


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