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I'm Not Concerned About Your SALVATION

Kelley McElreath Alone anxiety attempted suicide survivor Chaotic Brain church depression fundamentalists Loneliness manic depression Mental Health pastors preachers Suicide suicidesurvivor Teen Depression Teen suicide Triggers

"Nobody can save you but yourself,
and you’re worth saving.
It’s a war not easily won,
but if anything is worth winning, then this is it."

-Charles Bukowski


I grew up thinking I needed to be saved and once I was "saved" it had to be my mission in life to save everyone else. I then went on to go to church for many, many years and it didn't take long to become just like most every other Christian I knew. Looking back, I somehow thought I was better than others, who were not "saved." I became judgemental. I became a gossiper. Suddenly, I forgot all about my own horrible sins and only compared others to the life I now lived. I would throw scripture at anything and anyone who disagreed with me because of course, my way was THE only way. And I was proud of it. I was right. At least I thought I was. Because that was what I had always been taught. I was never taught to question things, to use logic, to think for my own damn self. Thankfully, I broke fully free from religion and am no longer this way. 


The other day, I put something on a Facebook post where I basically said that scripture in the bible was bullshit. Well, that didn't go over very well. Someone who knows me but we do NOT "know" each other started in with this..."Wait, are you saying scripture is bullshit?" I should have known from the very word, "Wait," what was about to ensue. 


She went on into a complete rampage. Attacking me and other friends that were only defending me. Friends that DO know me. Every single word she said was defending her own stance and not one word was said in love whatsoever. Anyone reading the comments could tell that she had a deep desire to be right and to make me and anyone else disagreeing with her side with her opinion. And it was in fact, her OPINION. In the end, this so called Christian that tore me down with her words, only to defend her God, took credit for even starting the discussion, went on to attack a friend of mine whose husband is a pastor and then proceeded to unfriend and block me. Wow! Now that is such a great way to push someone into the arms of Jesus!!


What the whole event made me realize is that it is not my calling to "save" you. I don't think you need saving. What IS my calling is to help you want to keep living and breathing your next breath. I want to show you that there is hope and hope just doesn't always have to include the church, church people or yes, even God himself. 


What I believe is that we are amazing people. I believe that we have an untapped side of us that unfortunately goes untapped our entire lives. We grow up looking for someone or something outside of ourselves to save us, to help us, to make us okay. When all along, it was us. WE were the ones that could save our own selves. We tend to "need" others opinions, advice, help, assistance, and that is where we find our happiness and/or demise. 


When I was moments away from trying to take my own life, of course I didn't pray for God to help me, I had been praying that for freaking YEARS!!!! If only I had known that what I needed was between my own two ears!! My very own heart could have directed me. 


My mission in this life is to help others find this truth and to save themselves from their own darkness. It can be done as I know it firsthand. I spent every Sunday in a pew for twenty years and I now have more peace, more happiness, live a life of complete authenticity and have some of the greatest friends that I ever had in that entire time period. I no longer live wanting to die every second of my life. I no longer have debiliating panic attacks. I am happy with my life. I have hope for my future. I no longer expect the worst to happen to me at all times. I'm optimistic. I could go on and on and on.


If you would like to find out how to do this for yourself, shoot me an email thesurvivorcoach@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you!


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